Dating Indonesian Girls – My Bachelor Guide!
Indonesia is one of the most beautiful countries in the world, especially for a westerner. It has a completely different culture, lots of tourist attractions, great weather, beautiful beaches and loads of beautiful Indonesian girls.
t has 17,000 islands and while most people are familiar with Bali only, there are other good locations too – Sumatra, Java or Sulawesi. If you are intersted in visiting Bali, make sure you check out my blog post on how to pick up women in Bali. The ultimate guide for dating and pleasure needs on Bali. 😉
Back ontopic – Indonesia has the highest population of Muslims and it might be a turn off if you are not one. The good news is it is not as conservative as Saudi Arabia, for example. Some places are a bit strict, while others are quite relaxed.
If you are into Asian girls like I am, this could be the ideal place to find a girl – there are over 270 million people in the country.
It is worth noting that Bali is the only place in Indonesia where another religion dominates – Buddhism. But even so, unless you reach a conservative area, chances are you will get along with Indonesian babes, despite the religious profile. Getting there for the first time can get you stuck, as you have no idea where to start from.
Well, my guide will give you all the details you need. 😉
Apakah kamu siap? … which means, are you ready? 🙂
Indonesian dating culture
I truly recommend becoming familiar with the local dating culture before getting to Indonesia. If you have dated in other Asian countries, you will notice a few slight differences.
The local culture is nothing like the one in other parts of the world though. This should be on your mind at all times.
What makes Indonesian girls so attractive?
Do not get me wrong – girls in Indonesia are just like girls all around the world. Some of them are pretty, exotic and look like Anggun (one of the hottest singers coming from Indonesia), while others are in the low range of the spectrum and act terribly.
But overall, if you are a westerner, chances are you will find Indonesians quite exotic.
Indonesians have the typical eastern Asian faces. In other words, they have the exotic eyes like those from the Philippines, South Korea or Thailand. They have beautiful smiles and almond shaped eyes – a mix that you cannot always find in a western girl. When serious, they look exotic and can make your mind go crazy.
When they smile, they have the warmest faces. If squeeze those cheeks together it looks like your hugging a Pokemon! 😉
When it comes to the body, you cannot go wrong with a good tan. This is probably one of the main differences between Indonesians and other Asian countries. They are a bit tanner than Koreans or Japanese, but similar in skin tones to Filipinas and Malaysians. I run into both cheese white and dark Indonesians though.
The tan is just a personal preference, but you can find all tones.
One thing I like about Indonesian chicks is the body type. Most of them are petite and skinny. Obviously, you can find Porky Pig around too, but most of them will have skinny bodies, medium perky breasts and nice round asses.
Do not expect the Latina type with a bee waist and a massive ass, but just the right proportions. To me, being able to turn and spin her around in bed is a plus.
If you are not after one night stands, but a serious relationship, the more conservative profiles of Indonesian women will make them care for their husbands better.
My last girlfriend like to be led and dominated, so I was always in charge. It was kinky as f*ck!
They will look after you, as they are raised to praise the man leading the family. It sounds like a dream come true, eh? 😉
How to talk to Indonesian girls and best pick up strategies
Picking up girls of Indonesia is not like in Thailand, China or South Korea. Girls will not just throw themselves at your feet.
If you are into their looks and conservative status (more like a serious relationship than banging different girls every night), you will have to up your game a little and become familiar with the local culture.
Extremely religious women are less likely to pay too much attention to you if you are not a Muslim. Even if you are, you will need to rely on a more conservative way to pick up girls – talk to her family too and so on.
Tourists will have to work even harder, but it is worth it. I had the most complete relationships of my life in Indonesia – hard work pays off.
There are a few tips I can give you – you need to dress well. You must look sharp, rather than a tourist. When interacting with women, you have to be a gentleman. Be polite and charm them. They must feel special. At the same time, you have to do all these with their personal sensitivities in mind – the ones associated with the local culture.
The location is critical. Some conservative girls may travel to more open minded places to have some fun. It is much easier to pick up a girl in Bali or Lombok than in Papua, Sumatra or Java.
Start online dating – Almost 70% of the single women of Indonesia are involved in some form of online dating. I found out that Indonesian Cupid gives me the best results to find pretty and honest Indonesian girls. Tinder sucks!
Even conservative girls will lose some of their inhibitions in Bali and can talk to strangers – something that they are not able to do at home.
If you are after dating an Indonesian girl, forget about being macho or too masculine. You must be mannered, polite and well spoken. During the day, women are more likely to avoid you.
They try to maintain their clean appearance, so they do not want to be seen by others – unless, of course, you are on the right island.
At night, things change a bit, but do not experience a Thai or Malaysian experience. Liberal women go out and have fun. You might get lucky and find a classic one night stand or you can just book a hooker.
But if you are after a serious thing with an Indonesian woman, I recommend a restaurant or a bar, rather than a nightclub.
Remember, you are seen as a foreigner looking for sex. You must try harder than in other Asian countries, as well as harder than back home. The result will not disappoint you though.
How to approach the first date
You can meet a beautiful and serious Indonesian woman in a shopping mall, a restaurant or a night club. Do not ask her for a date right away. Depending on the location, you can have a drink with her for a bit and get her phone number. In another scenario, I prefer getting the phone number right away.
She may not be ready for a date on the spot. Be polite, chat with her for a few minutes and do not be the macho type. Just get the number and move on.
I usually exchange a few messages over the next day and ask her out for a date. If she gives the number out, you have a solid chance to get a yes. Let her know how happy you are to be able to see her. Choose a unique settlement – a nice restaurant. Tell her how you want to see her – it’s a trick to avoid gold diggers.
Insisting on her will prevent her from bringing some of her friends – just a common technique used by gold diggers.
Make sure you are dressed nicely – rather than like a tourist. Treat her like a lady and show some respect. Be a gentleman and do not mention sex (I know many of you will ignore this rule.. ) or anything like that. Indonesian chicks may fall for you after the first date if you do it right.
Pay attention to everything throughout the date – you could easily tell if the girl is a gold digger or not. Questions about your social class or financial capabilities do not always underline a gold digger.
Take your time and answer everything, regardless of how invasive some questions might be. You have to pay attention to her facial expression and reactions.
One thing I forgot about… You are expected to pay for whatever you do. If she wants to pay for her part, just tell her that she can buy you a coffee the next time you see each other. Problem solved and you got a second date coming – bonus!
Second dates and more
Indonesian women are quite submissive and this is one of the things I like about them – they will not give you headaches and trouble with an attitude. They expect you to lead, so you better show her that you can plan things – from the actual dating place to its overall direction.
You take charge, but keep an eye on the boundaries – do not ask her to sleep with you after a second date.
Here is one rule I learned the hard way – never ask an Indonesian woman about her past relationships. It is considered irritating and impolite. You should not ask her how many boyfriends she has had. You should also avoid questions about what caused breakups or what happened.
Luckily, the girl I was dating (Anna) was quite open minded and not too conservative, so she nicely explained to me that such questions are not to be asked. Oops! ..
Other than that, keep in mind that many girls of Indonesia still live with their parents. They will until they get married. In other words, family approval will affect her decision in the future.
She will not take you to her bedroom, despite of how much she likes you. On another hand, if you are invited to meet the family, she thinks you are the one.
Sex in the Indonesian culture
Sex is taboo in Indonesia. I was a bit surprised on my first trip to Indonesia because I could barely see any signs of public affection. I could see couples around, but all of them looked like they were married for over 20 years or so.
The situation is a bit different in places like Bali, as the island is quite westernized and girls are more relaxed.
Other than that, girls are conservative and will feel uncomfortable when touched or kissed in public – unless you are picking up a hooker. In other words, my advice is to keep it formal in public.
When it comes to your bedroom or house, there are no limits. If she is up for sex before marriage (and she should be if you managed to pick her up in a mall or a restaurant), she will have to trust you.
Once you cross this barrier, you can go down on her, have her go down on you and so on. If it brings her pleasure, do it, but do it gently and take your time – literally, take your time. You want her to crave for pleasure, rather than rush her in – or she might reject you and stop the foreplay.
Trust me, once you get there, Indonesian chicks are quite wild. 😉
If you plan to marry this girl, make sure you do not act like you bang her. Her parents should not even think about it or they may reject the marriage.
Try to be shy with her parents, rather than display a macho attitude. Do show some leading attitude though and try to pose as a conservative person.
Red flags and scams
Whether you start dating an Indonesian girl over the Internet or you pick one up in a shopping mall, there are a few signs that apply to pretty much every relationship out there. Caution is highly recommended, but use common sense as well and do not let your dick do the thinking for you.
If you are 36 and balding and she is 25 and super hot, there is a pretty good chance that she wants your money only. Sure, the sex is great and her body is flawless – good if you are loaded and you do not care about money.
But if you want something real, find someone in your league.
I she always talking about how much her relatives need money? Her mother is sick, her sister is pregnant, her rent is due next week and so on. She is probably trying to lure you into helping her overcome her financial struggle.
Now, this is not a general rule, but do pay attention – if she drinks and smokes a lot, she is probably used to spending lots of time in bars.
I met a few girls with solid jobs and great degrees that smokes and got drunk every Saturday night, so… Like I said, it is not a general rule, but a sign.
If she avoids affection, sex or even kisses, she might be in this game for your money only. The same rule applies if she makes you feel a bit insecure. Trust your instinct on this one. If you feel like she would leave you for a guy with more money, she probably will.
Meet the family
When an Indonesian woman invites you to her house for dinner, that is a step in the right direction. You are about to take the dating game to the next level – a serious relationship or even marriage. You might meet a single Indonesian girl who could be divorced or just not married until 30. She is independent and has a good job – she does not live with her parents. Congrats, you might get laid tonight!
Most Indonesian chicks do live with their parents though and this invitation means she thinks you are the one.
I recommend thinking twice about this invitation. If you want a serious relationship, go for it. Showing up in front of her parents is a statement that you are serious and planning to marry her. If you are just looking for someone to kill your time and get laid, you should not take the invitation.
I have only been once to a girlfriend’s house to meet her family, but we were quite serious. Things did not work out in the long run, but then, at that time, I was all in for it. It happens.
I got questioned about everything when I met her family – parents, my hobbies, things I like, what I do for a living and so on. My tip is to keep it casual and relaxed.
Be polite, friendly and always respectful, but do not give out short answers. Talk to them as if you were talking to a bunch of western people that you have just met.
Most parents expect you to provide for your family and show respect to the girl. If you can convince them about these aspects, you are a winner.
Unfortunatly, it does not always work out. Especially if your are from China!
Living with an Indonesian girl
Living with girls of Indonesia depends on the type of girl. If she has a good job and she lives by herself (while parents live in a small faraway village – a typical scenario), she may not be too conservative and you can probably live with her.
Jobs in Indonesia are not that great and many girls live with their parents though. Therefore, she is less likely to move in with you.
I lived with one of my girlfriends and I must tell you the sex was fantastic. Moreover, I had good food whenever I came back from work. She surely knew how to make me happy and the local cuisine is great.
Depending on her background or location, she might be super happy all the time or just normal. Mine was super happy. She was born and raised in Bali, so she had a great attitude about life. I used to love this aspect about her. She was genuinely happy all the time.
Finally, be honest… These women make some great investigators. Now, like I said before, treat her right and she will be submissive and look after you.
This is the good scenario… If she lives with her parents, you will not really live with her. Keep her interested in you with small things though – random texts from work or before going to sleep work wonders. You might get to see her family more often or get her to visit you, but she will never really live with you until marriage.
Marrying an Indonesian woman
I have never been married, but I have attended several weddings and I have a bunch of friends who married Indonesian women.
The bad thing about it? You are normally expected to pay for it if you are dating an Indonesian girl coming from a traditional family. Those from the working class are a bit more open minded. Discuss things and see – luckily, weddings in Indonesia are not as expensive as in a western country.
Your wedding will be big and will most likely have two ceremonies. Your future wife will help you plan everything – number of guests, the right location, type of ceremony and so on.
Put some money aside for the dowry as well. If she comes from a traditional family, the dowry is higher – still affordable. If the parents are modern or westernized, it is a symbolic thing, so it will not cost you too much. It is just a sign of understanding the local culture.
There are many things that may seem new to you – your future bride will guide you accordingly. But do not be shocked if a new Indonesian wedding tradition might hit you out of nowhere!
Local men versus foreigners
I asked myself the same thing before dating an Indonesian girl. Do Indonesian chicks dig foreigners?
From personal experience, Indonesians do not care much about where you come from, but about your skin color. I know, it feels a bit old fashioned and racist, but this is what it is like there. White is the preferred choice. White men will most likely be referred to as bule – not a bad word, but just a way to refer to you as a foreigner.
Eastern Asians from South Korea or Japan are also alright in Indonesia, mostly because their culture – movies, K pop and shows – influences. Things are different for Arabs though. If you are born in France from Arab descent, you will be categorized as a bule. If you come from Saudi Arabia or Morocco, you will be more attractive to super conservative girls.
Many Indonesian women dislike black guys. I have no idea why – they just do. But at the same time, I know lots of guys around this country. I know black guys who score night by night, as well as white guys who cannot get laid at all.
My point is… The skin color is not always the most important thing. Make sure you are well educated, polite, good looking, friendly and with a good job. All these things will help.
I know it is different from what you might expect in Indonesia, but being a player here involves trying harder than in other Asian countries, Europe or America.
Where to find a good Indonesian girl
You can meet Indonesian chicks pretty much everywhere. In a big city, go around nice places, such as nice fancy bars or shopping malls. The weather is really hot in the summertime, so the country is not too walkable. I recommend the evening or night game – or if you really want to do it during the day, hang around air conditioned places like shopping malls.
No matter how exotic, beautiful or hot a conservative girl looks, I recommend staying away from the super religious ones because it is less likely to work. Instead, look for those in revealing clothes – western clothes, visible skin and no veils.
The online game is much better when interested in dating an Indonesian girl. Why? You know for a fact that since they are there, they are single and willing to be approached. I tried both Tinder and Badoo and I must say they work quite alright in places like Bali, but not in other areas. You will find some decent matches in Jakarta too, but this is pretty much it. It is more common among foreigners checking out Indonesia and interested in hookups.
If you are after an Indonesian woman, I recommend Indonesian Cupid. IndonesianCupid is mostly designed for local girls trying to hook up with foreigners. You know for a fact that they can speak decent English and they do not mind talking to a “bule”. While I did have a couple of hookups over Tinder and one over Badoo, they were all foreign girls.
Indonesian Cupid brought me my longest relationship with an Indonesian woman, as well as a few other genuine dates. It is by far my best recommendation.
Best cities to pick up an Indonesian girl
Whether it comes to the amount of girls or their open minded attitude towards foreigners, I find big cities to be your best bet when trying to find Indonesian women.
Jakarta is by far one of your best options. Its suburbs are not to be overlooked either, whether it comes to Tangerang, Depok or Bekasi. Let me put it out this way – there are 35 million people in the Indonesian capital. That means there are easily a few million single ladies looking for a partner. I guess that says all about it.
Bali is another common place. It is more relaxed and less conservative. Like I said before, it is the only non-Muslim area of Indonesia. Most locals are Buddhists. I moved from one place to another in Bali and the southern side is the best.
It is rich in foreigners and local girls from all over the country. Most of them are up for hookups and even marriage with foreigners, so you have a good position.
Bandung is not to be overlooked either. It is the third largest city in Indonesia – only three hours from the capital. The best part about it is that it has a few good universities, so you will find young girls with an open minded attitude. The large student population gives you plenty of options. You will also find hot Asians from other countries, so your options are more diversified.
With just under 2.5 million inhabitants, Medan is the fifth most populous city in Indonesia. The city is located on the western side of Indonesia, so it has deep influences from other Asian countries. You will find lots of Chinese and Malaysian babes as well – definitely worth a shot if you have the opportunity to score.
Indonesia or Malaysia?
I will be honest with you – I have spent time (lots of time actually) in both countries, so I can tell the differences between one and another. To the new traveler, there may not be any. Well, while there are no general rules, I will write about a few differences that apply to many girls.
For instance, Indonesians seem to be a bit more tanned than Malays. Obviously, you can find dark Malaysians and light Indonesians, but generally, Indonesians are darker. Then, in terms of looks and appearance, I would say Malaysian babes look sluttier. You can look at a Malaysian girl and picture her with your balls inside her mouth.
On the other hand, I find Indonesian more traditional – more girlfriend and wife material. It might be because they are raised to be traditional, so even the loose and open minded ones still look serious.
When it comes to their character, again – Indonesians are more conservative. You can find a good wife in any of these countries, but I believe it is much easier to do it in Indonesia if you know what type of girls to approach (not the super conservative ones).
Finally, I met more Malaysian gold diggers than Indonesian gold diggers.
As a short final conclusion, Indonesian chicks are definitely worth some attention. Again, they are hard to get – clearly not as easy as Thais or Filipinas.
But then, once you get your hands on a good girl, you know you can leave yourself in good hands. There are a few challenges in the process, but good rewards never come without hard work.
P.s – Sign up with this free Indonesian dating site and meet girls today!